


it brought you here, it only brought you home

by transatlanticism (16_windstorm)



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: (only slightly), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Not Happy, based on that one scene, where jude threw the game connor gave him in the trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 17:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14816033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/16_windstorm/pseuds/transatlanticism
Summary: The concept of settling was foreign to Jude.





	it brought you here, it only brought you home

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhh, hello? Is anyone still here?

The concept of settling was foreign to Jude. 

For a foster kid, settling was a clear sign of desperation and naivete. Consistency was something Jude had accepted as a missing factor in his life long ago. Callie, five years his elder, had lived in a consistent home with a mother and father up until the age of eleven. Their mother’s death had, subsequently, affected her more and turned her bitter and cynical. She could remember having a family, belonging, and what it felt like to be normal. Being only six at the time, Jude couldn't remember much past grief and confusion. Introspection was something he was only starting to grasp, as having cynical, demanding, and overprotective (which admittedly, was warranted) Callie as the only influencer in his life didn't leave much room for finding oneself.

But then he got placed with Stef and Lena, and after them came Connor. It wasn't until them that he started to feel less like the plus-one of his hurricane-for-sister and more like a person with autonomy to make their own independent decisions. So he defied her in little ways, such as the nail polish and the swimming hole on the camping trip: ways that weren't foolish but established a change in the dynamic. Jude was growing up, after all. 

However still, even after his own bed, wardrobe, adoption certificate, and later, boyfriend, settling was still a concept Jude had not considered until recently. For some reason, even after he achieved official inclusion in a family, there was a voice in the back of his mind that told him he could still lose this new life at any given point. Mostly, it was about Callie. If she couldn't be adopted too, was there a point? 

But now she was officially part of the family, and everything felt safe and real. 

Which in no way was affected by the fact that they may be moving houses soon. 

Moving, packing up, and unpacking had been one of the few constants in Jude’s life. He had never learned the feeling of being attached to a location on a map. His siblings seemed pretty upset though, so he kept quiet and helped with the tasks necessary in tidying up the house. However, as familiar as Jude was with cleaning, looking back on his newly acquired possessions from the past year inspired a feeling entirely different than the housekeeping lifestyle he had formerly known. 

And thus came an artifact not forgotten about, but hidden deep in the depths of the shelf to the point where mentioned item didn’t have to be thought of or seen. Jude had been avoiding the decision on what to do with the object as he stripped the shelf bare of its clutter, but now it was the only thing that remained. Reluctantly, he picked up the device and held it in his hands. 

_“Here, keep it.”_

Jude remembered the day Connor, generous and oh so sweet, gave Jude his Playstation. 

_“I can’t.”_

His attempted courtesy could in no way hide how excited he was to own an item so neat and expensive. In any foster home, video games only encouraged fights and/or something breaking. Callie never let him play with the other boys, so on the rare occasion anything violent, digital, or obnoxiously masculine was brought out he could only just sit and watch. Connor didn’t know it, but at the time his gesture brought independence and even a little bit of diabolical secrecy into Jude’s life.

_“Yes, you can. It’s cool. I want you to.”_

Jude could remember trying to hide a growing smile as Connor handed over the game. In a way, the transmission had made him feel strangely grounded. This new kind of sharing, unlike the reluctant kind in his previous foster homes, meant connection. Connor wanted to connect with Jude, and the feeling was mutual. 

And it stayed like that, even through fights, misunderstandings, and injury. They were held together by their secrets, shared through contact of lips, eyes, and helpless expressions. Connor’s patience and Jude’s resilience brought a new type of combined strength. Adults didn’t understand them: they were seventh grade boys, and the world was theirs. 

At least until Connor moved to Los Angeles, from there becoming much happier and beginning to change. Los Angeles Connor was on the football team, took nude pictures in the mirror, and was mostly friends with ninth graders, while San Diego Connor fanboyed over movies with explosions and sometimes accidentally wore his shirt backwards. While a part of him was pleased by Connor’s growing confidence, Jude began to wonder if happy Connor was a different Connor than the one he shared his daily life with previously. After all, it wasn’t until he proposed the move himself that Jude realized how miserable his boyfriend (best friend) actually was, and that Jude wasn’t the only one who suffered. 

Jude thumbed the joystick and it wiggled. Los Angeles was a fresh start to Connor just as much as the Adams Fosters had been to himself a year ago. Connor deserved to leave behind a life of fear and confusion. And so did Jude. 

He threw the game console into the dark trash-void. It was the start of a new chapter in his life: one that wasn't preoccupied with finding himself. He didn't have to be strong for Connor or Callie, or pretend to believe that everything would be okay even when the whole world seemed to be working against him. There was room for failure. He could just be. 

Jude walked over to his bed and sat down. Admiring the bare shelf, he figured his work for the day was close to done.

He leaned back, resting his head on the pillow. At once, Jude let himself settle.


End file.
